4 Rules for Initial Attachment -- Rule #1

Our social worker, a woman with over 25 years of International Adoption experience, suggested that we keep others away from our then 2 year old and try to settle in for a few months. She called the first 6 months crucial for bonding and attachment. She suggested a few basic rules. I am sharing that advice with you here over the next 4 days, the parenthesis are my own thoughts:

1- No one should feed your child but you. That means NO ONE, and this is especially true of treats. (This is tough for grandparents who like to spoil.) The child should know that all good things come from Mom and Dad.

For a baby, this means you hold the bottle for them -- even if they are old enough to hold it for themselves.

For toddler age and older, you should hand the food to your child. Even at a restaurant, you should ask that any plate be handed to you, and then you hand it to your child. Most of these children have never been to a restaurant, they don't know that that is just the way it is done. They think, "Oh great, we are going to that place where we eat everyday and where the nice lady -- who speaks my language -- hands me delicious food. I like that nice lady. I wish I could live with that nice lady." This rule is particularly important for children who might have had problems getting enough food in the past.

Remember, you should be the source of everything good!


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