4 Rules for Initial Attachment -- Rule #2

By -
Our social worker, a woman with over 25 years of International Adoption experience, suggested that we keep others away from our then 2 year old and try to settle in for a few months. She called the first 6 months crucial for bonding and attachment. She suggested a few basic rules. Today, I am highlighting rule # 2.

2- No one should hold your child but you. That means NO ONE.

Your child, in spite of your best efforts, will likely still not really see you as Mom and Dad, even after spending long weeks with him in country. He may be beginning to like you, and perhaps even trust you, but you are still relative strangers who likely don't even speak the same language he does. Therefore, do not confuse him or upset him by allowing him to think others may now be a caregiver.

In some cases, children appear to prefer a new comer over the new parent. This can be detrimental for bonding and attachment on both sides. Therefore, remember, HANDS OFF. No holding, loving, hugging, by anyone but you.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Popular Colombian Names

By -
Recently, I was asked to write a post on Colombian names, and popular Colombian names. I had a hard time finding a list, but eventually I did find one. According to I.N.E. - Instituto Nacional de Estadística, -- unfortunately, when I found this it doesn't say the year -- the most common Colombian boys names across all ages are: 1 JUAN CARLOS 2 CARLOS ALBERTO 3 ALEXANDER 4 ANDRES FELIPE 5 LUIS FERNANDO 6 DIEGO FERNANDO 7 JHON JAIRO 8 CARLOS ANDRES 9 ALEJANDRO 10 JUAN DAVID The girls are: 1 SANDRA MILENA 2 LUZ MARINA 3 CAROLINA 4 PAULA ANDREA 5 CLAUDIA PATRICIA 6 MARIA EUGENIA 7 PAOLA ANDREA 8 DANIELA 9 LILIANA 10 MARTHA CECILIA Just as here, names go through ebb and flow. Fourteen years ago when we were married, I attended several baby baptisms and met numerous friends of my husband. At the time, it seemed like everyone was naming their kid Juan CAMILO (boy) or Maria CAMILA (girl). I met dozens of them. Then, about 7 years later, I heard tons of SANTIAGO, JULIAN, SEBASTIAN and FE
Read more

Muisca Indigenous Names, from Hunza (Tunja)

By -
In response to this week’s posts on names, I have received several e-mails asking about the names of famous Colombians and their stories and about Indigenous names. I plan to spend the next three days sharing some of them. Also, I will continue to post more in the future and you will be able to find them all by clicking on the NAMES link the LABELS section to the right of the blog. Name: AQUIMÍN ( pronounced: ah key MEAN) or AQUIMINZAQUE (pronounced: ah key mean ZAH kay) When the Spanish arrived on the plains of Bogotá, 1536, they found a great nation. In fact, it was the third largest group of indigenous inhabitants in America. They called themselves the Muiscas , which meant ‘the people’. Their language was called Chibcha . The Muiscas were not a united group, but rather a collection of city states. The majority of the power was held by two main cities – what today are called Bogotá and Tunja (in Boyacá). These two cities were mortal enemies and each enlisted the loy
Read more

La Madremonte

By -
Image
The myth of the Madremonte (Mother Mountain), and I do say myth though many campesinos in Colombia believe in her today, has it's roots in the indigenous cultures of Colombia and is known throughout much of Colombia including Antioquia, Caldas, Arauca, Caqueta, Amazonas, Guainia, and perhaps more departments. The Madremonte looks like a large woman. She has large, bony hands, large teeth and Betty Davis Eyes -- which on closer examination glow. Her body is covered in leaves and moss. Her hair is a tangled mess of plants and moss which often covers her face. She lives in the mountains and jungles, (in Antioquia and Caldas she lives in swamps where streams are born. People who claim to have seen her, usually report to have done so near thickets and bushes in jungle like areas. Others report having heard her bloodcurdling screams and groans on stormy nights. She rules the winds, the rains, and all the vegetation, and her role is to protect nature. She punishes those who invad
Read more