Colombian Culture, Colombia Adoption and Raising Colombian Kids

Our social worker, a woman with over 25 years of International Adoption experience, suggested that we keep others away from our then 2 year old and try to settle in for a few months. She called the first 6 months crucial for bonding and attachment. She suggested a few basic rules. Today, I am highlighting her rule # 4. 4- Do not introduce them to extended family too soon. You will know when your child is secure and calm. That is the time to meet new people. For some babies, it will take a few weeks. For toddlers or young children, it can take much, much longer. This can be difficult to explain to excited extended family members. Try reminding them that your child has just lived through a major trauma and that your child does not see his adoption as a joyous, happy, long awaited moment. He has just lost everything he knows -- a home (however sad), food, smells, sounds, friends, schedule, etc. He is trying to make sense of the world. The more that things change, the more diff...

Our social worker, a woman with over 25 years of International Adoption experience, suggested that we keep others away from our then 2 year old and try to settle in for a few months. She called the first 6 months crucial for bonding and attachment. She suggested a few basic rules. Today, I am highlighting her rule # 3. 3- No one should comfort your child but you. That means NO ONE. Your child will fall, have a bad dream, get angry, get sick, etc. Under no circumstances, I repeat, UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES, should anyone be allowed to comfort your child but YOU. I cannot emphasize this enough. Your child does not immediately see you as the kind, loving parents you are and want to be. You are strangers. By allowing other strangers to comfort her, you are sending mixed signals about your own willingness to be the comforter. This can be especially important while in country. Children may seek others who understand them for comfort, or perhaps a helpful maid or interpreter will jump...

Our social worker, a woman with over 25 years of International Adoption experience, suggested that we keep others away from our then 2 year old and try to settle in for a few months. She called the first 6 months crucial for bonding and attachment. She suggested a few basic rules. Today, I am highlighting rule # 2. 2- No one should hold your child but you. That means NO ONE. Your child, in spite of your best efforts, will likely still not really see you as Mom and Dad, even after spending long weeks with him in country. He may be beginning to like you, and perhaps even trust you, but you are still relative strangers who likely don't even speak the same language he does. Therefore, do not confuse him or upset him by allowing him to think others may now be a caregiver. In some cases, children appear to prefer a new comer over the new parent. This can be detrimental for bonding and attachment on both sides. Therefore, remember, HANDS OFF. No holding, loving, hugging, by anyo...

Our social worker, a woman with over 25 years of International Adoption experience, suggested that we keep others away from our then 2 year old and try to settle in for a few months. She called the first 6 months crucial for bonding and attachment. She suggested a few basic rules. I am sharing that advice with you here over the next 4 days, the parenthesis are my own thoughts: 1- No one should feed your child but you. That means NO ONE, and this is especially true of treats. (This is tough for grandparents who like to spoil.) The child should know that all good things come from Mom and Dad. For a baby, this means you hold the bottle for them -- even if they are old enough to hold it for themselves. For toddler age and older, you should hand the food to your child. Even at a restaurant, you should ask that any plate be handed to you, and then you hand it to your child. Most of these children have never been to a restaurant, they don't know that that is just the way it is do...