Colombian Culture, Colombia Adoption and Raising Colombian Kids

It is about time for another installment of Jane's advice for people adopting a older child. So here goes and thanks Jane: Here are a few ideas from the "Stuff we wish we would had known about before adopting an older child" file: That a summer vacation isn't real life. Some of the children who are up for adoption come as guests of a summer program. Of course children on vacation are going to have a good time with their host families. But once the vacation is over, the papers are signed and real life begins, it is a shock. Be prepared for the reality. That a child's wishes may not be in her best interests. If your child wants to change her name, that's not cute. She wants to forget the past, which is impossible. Just because you have adopted an orphan doesn't mean you have to accede to every wish. If she wants to stay up late, text boys you haven't met, watch only Spanish TV, it's OK to just say "NO!" And then explain why. You'll be ...

What to do when spending endlessly long weeks in Bogotá waiting for Sentencia . If you have children ages 4 to 13, I would highly recommend spending a weekday morning at DIVERCITY . DIVERCITY is a mini city for kids inside a huge, new shopping mall in the North of the city-- the Santa Fé . Kids over 3 pay about $5 to enter (parents cost about $3). For the price of admission, they are issued a $20 divi dollar pay check. Once inside they cash the $20 check at the bank and learn how to use an ATM card. Then, they can start spending or earning money. They earn money by working at different occupations- police detectives, fire fighters, foot loop packers, coke bottlers, veterinarians , pilots, farmers, TV station announcers , Radio announcers, beauticians, insurance agents, supermarket clerks, paleontologists, architects, authors, discotheque workers, etc. They spend their divi money if they want to go on safari, watch a play, climb the rock wall, play arcade games, take bus rides, or...

Typically parents want to offer their child every opportunity to discover and develop their talents. But when is enough enough for an older adopted teen, and how do you avoid the self-esteem issues that come from giving up. Jane has prepared another thought provoking message for those adopting older children: When do you reach the “enough already” with your adopted teen? Our daughter had flute lessons in Bogotá when we were awaiting sentencia, and then continued with flute in junior high school. Since she had no musical knowledge, she had to start from the beginning, learn how to read music, how to count, etc. She didn’t mind practicing, but her progress was slow. Compared to the other kids in band who had taken instrument lessons since 6th grade, she was far behind. Even with weekly private lessons, we knew that she would never catch up in this particular instance. By the end of 8th grade, she decided that she didn’t want to continue playing the flute, so she dropped it and moved...

Jane is bringing us more insight into older child adoption this month. This was something I never had even thought about. Thanks, Jane. When we adopted N. at the age of 14, there were times when I felt panicked. All those life lessons that we spent 18 years teaching our biological children have to be condensed into 4 or 5 years. It feels overwhelming at best. So here's our experience with teaching the value and necessity for money in her new life. We began by giving our daughter an allowance and, to our relief, she isn't a shopper. Not into clothes or malls, she had no interest at all in spending. However, when she DID spend, she spent freely, not thinking about the cost or value of her purchases. For the first year or so, it was easy not to talk about saving or budgeting. However, since last summer, N. has had a part-time job at the local grocery store: her paycheck goes directly into her savings account. But then one day we realized that she had no concept at all about the va...

Here is Part #3 in our series on older child adoption from Jane -- a mom who has "Been There, Done That!" If you are considering adopting an older child, you will find Jane's posts very informative and insightful. Also, you will find a link to Jane's Foundation at the bottom. For adoptive families, it's easy to integrate a newborn or toddler into your family and friend groups. Parents rely on friendships made in play groups, nursery school, church, preschool or day care. It's up to the parents to help their children create bonds with peers; sometimes lifelong bonds. Having to socially integrate your newly adopted preteen or teen is harder. There may be some behaviors that your new family member will exhibit that may not lead to immediate friendships with kids his/her own age. Some older adopted children will have had the advantage of having been raised in a foster home. So, even though they were subjected to constant uncertainty about their future, they were...

Of course, there is no such thing as a perfect family! Or, to put it another way, perhaps ANY family is the perfect family for a child who has none. We know single moms who have adopted, a single dad who has two adopted siblings, and families whose adopted teens are "only children" in their new family group. However, after three years of socializing with these parents, hearing their stories and observing outcomes, John and I are in agreement about one thing: older parents who have already raised their children make pretty good adoptive parents of an older child. So my observations are those of an older mom whose biological children have flown the nest. Our older adoptive child exhibited two kinds of behavior: the universal adolescent and the "red flag". Being able to recognize the difference between the two and responding appropriately was HUGE in building our relationship with our adopted 14 year old. We had raised two biological children and sent them off into the...

A while back I reported on an article in El Tiempo that talked about the kids that are never adopted. Unfortunately, the older the kids gets, the less likely he/she will find a forever family. This leaves thousands of kids without the support, help and guidance of a family as they start out life as an adult. Yesterday, we met Jane and John. They are the proud parents of a beautiful Colombian girl, adopted when she was 13. Jane and John's daughter spent many years living in a orphanage prior to her adoption. It was her home. When Jane and John saw where their daughter had been living, they wanted to do more than simply take pictures and say "good-bye". They hatched a plan to help the girls left behind. The ones that may never find permanent homes. They started a non-profit organization "dedicated to improving the quality of life for children in Colombian orphanages." Their organization is called " Friends of Colombian Orphans ." Friends focus is on orp...

John and Jane are the adoptive parents of a 16 year old Colombian girl. Their situation is unusual only in that they are both in their late 50's, early 60's. Their daughter came to them purely through serendipity three years ago. Jane has agreed to share their experiences adopting an older child in a series of "stream of consciousness" essays. Check back on this blog to read more about them -- you will find them under the label Older Child Adoption. Now here is Jane's first contribution. In the summer of 2005, my husband read about Colombian orphans being hosted in our city through the sponsorship of Kidsave International. We had finished raising our two biological children: both were in their early 20's and out of the house. There was something about one of the children that resonated with us, and we quickly found ourselves taking our first steps on the path to adoption of a 13 year old girl, N., who hadn't found a family yet. Once we met her and she got ...

Recently, I was reading some information that I found on the ICBF website. In January, there was a great article about some older children that found adoptive homes in Germany. Here is a translation: Thanks to the project “Summer Miracles”, developed between the Colombian Institute of Family Welfare (ICBF), the Kid Save Foundation, and the German adoption organization -- ADA -- five foreign families are celebrating the end of their adoption process. In the final phase of their adoptions, the five German families were visiting Colombia after having spent 4 months in Germany with 7 Colombian children between the ages of 4 and 10. This experience was part of a pilot plan that ICBF is trying out in Germany, and fortunately it has had very positive results -- having opened a way for children that are difficult to place for adoption find homes. The parents, that had met all of the legal requirements to be adoptive parents, had been on the waiting list to receive children younger than 6 years...